There are very big differences between men’s and women’s shower habits
How to shower like a man:
- Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
- Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the “woo-woo” sound.
- Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no).
- Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass.
- Get in the shower.
- Don’t bother to look for a washcloth (you don’t use one).
- Wash your face.
- Wash your armpits.
- Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
- Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
- Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.
- Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
- Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
- Make a shampoo Mohawk.
- Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
- Pee (in the shower).
- Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
- Partially dry off.
- Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles.
Admire wiener size again.
- Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the
- Leave bathroom fan and light on.
- Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the “woo-woo” sound again.
- Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed again.
How to shower like a woman:
- Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according tolights and darks.
- Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
- Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note? Must do more sit-ups.
- Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
- Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
- Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.
- Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
- Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.
- Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
- Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).
- Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
- Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
- Turn off shower.
- Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
- Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
- Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
- If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.