The dog dictionary is a list of human words whose definitions may have slightly different meanings to our canine friends. This is all in good fun, of course and written from a dog’s point of view.
Bark: A sound you can make to get your human’s attention. If you bark long enough, they will comply.
Bicycles: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside the bike for a few yards; the person on the bike will likely swerve and fall off into the bushes, in which you can then prance away.
Ankle-Biters: A small dog or toddler that has no patience when annoyed.
Bump: The best way to get your human’s attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.ouch in the living room.
Car: A place you sit with your head sticking our of a window to get a full on breeze and scent buffet.
Cat: Not a dog.
Deafness: A malady which affects dogs when their human wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at your human, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
Dog Bath: The process by which your humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can really help them accomplish this by shaking vigorously and frequently.
Dog Bed: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest bedroom or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
Dog-Ear: An expression you make when you let one ear stand up and the other flop down because your human is talking a bunch of nonsense.
Dog Leash: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your human wherever you want him/her to go.
Doggie Bag: When we get take-out dinner.
Drool: What automatically happens when your human has food and you don’t. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
Dog Tired: When we sit or drag behind humans on a walk so they will pick us up and carry us instead. A Mini Schnauzer specialty. 😉
Garbage Can: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.
Goose Bump: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the regular Bump doesn’t get the attention you require. It’s a combination of the Bump and the Sniff.
Lead Dog: The dog with the best view.
Lean: Every good dog’s response to the command SIT especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.
Sniff: A social custom used when greeting other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog’s rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your human makes you stop.
Sofas: This object is to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
Thunder: A signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
Wastebasket: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrapper. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your humans come home.
Love: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you’re lucky, a human will love you in return.
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